ODE TO MY BEETLE

This was sent to me from another VW enthusiast. It was originally sent from a motorcycle guru and then modified just a bit. Enjoy!

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, oil changes would be it. The long-term benefits of clean oil have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no more basis in reality than my own mechanical experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the wonder and thrill of your first Beetle. Oh never mind. You will not understand the wonder and thrill of your first Beetle until after you have sold it. But trust me, in twenty years you'll look back at photos of your first Beetle and recall in a way that you can't grasp now how much possibility it had and how fabulous it really looked. It is not as old as you imagine.

Don't worry about what Veedub to get next. Or worry, but know that worrying is about as effective as trying to set up cam timing without a manual. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the Buick kind that blind sides you at some busy intersection 5:00 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Learn one thing about your Beetle that scares you.

Drive.

Don't ask to borrow other peoples' Beetles. Don't put up with those people who ask to borrow yours.

Wax.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you have the cleanest Beetle, sometimes yours is the most rusty one in the group. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with the bank.

Remember the compliments you receive about your Beetle. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, market it.

Keep all your bank statements and work invoices. Throw away all your old love letters.

Be prepared.

Don't feel guilty if you can't decide what type of Beetle you like best. The most interesting people I know, didn't know at 22 what Beetles they liked best above all. Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know, still don't.

Get plenty of caffeine.

Be kind to your tires. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll own a Super Beetle, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll own a Cal Looker, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have a close call and give up driving at 40, maybe you'll be in the "Drive for Sight" on your 75th birthday. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance, unless you're born wealthy.

Enjoy your Beetle, drive it everywhere you can. Don't be afraid of it, simply respect it. It's the greatest piece of engineering placed on four wheels you can own.

Get a Baja Beetle, even if you have nowhere to ride it but in your own backyard.

Read the owners manual even if you don't follow it.

Don't buy Veedub picture magazines. They will only make you feel your Beetle is ugly.

Get to know your machine. You never know when it may crap out for good.

Be nicer to your mechanic. He or she is the best link to keeping you on the road and most likely to help you in the future.

Understand that Beetles and friends come and go, but only a precious few are worth holding on to. Work hard to bridge the gaps in Veedub preference. Wave no matter what type of VW the other person is driving. Because the older you get the more you may need to rely on the company of other Veedubbers.

Drive in New York City once, but leave before your Beetle is stolen.

Drive in Northern California once, but leave before you steal someone else's.

Go camping.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Insurance prices will rise. Beetle prices will rise. Shop rates will rise. Gas prices will rise. Part prices will rise. You too will get old. And when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, mechanics were noble, and motorists respected Beetles.

Respect other motorists.

Don't expect anyone else to support your idea of buying a Beetle. Maybe you have an understanding parent. Maybe you have a terrific spouse. But just you wait until you say you're buying a Beetle.

Don't mess too much with your hair, when you're riding with the vents open.

Be careful which friends' mechanical advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Mechanical advice is a form of power tripping. Dispensing it is a way of fishing up what little you know and filling in the missing bits so that it sounds good, and making oneself feel more knowledgeable than you actually are.